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August 2016

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1 year till kindergarten

August 24, 2016

This post may seem completely dramatic but hey, when it comes to our kids aren’t we all a little over the top sometimes?  Last week the children in our school district started their school year. That is when panic ensued. One year left with my first born until she spends more time with her teacher and her classmates then she does with me every Monday – Friday. The real kicker is she has a September 30th birthday so technically she was born on the last day acceptable to start this school year but we decided to wait. So I am already getting an extra year with her.

Year 4 was a sassy one for my M. She pushed boundaries and tested my patience far more than ever before. We had many many talks about sharing, caring, and thinking about others. But, oh my, this girl. She is so much more than just a sassy year. Her heart is pure gold….pure gold I tell you. I often wonder how I, of all people got to be her mama. If I am upset she is kissing my cheeks and hugging my legs. Her empathy far exceeds her 4 years of life. Ever since she was a baby she would play with my hair. Sometimes she would do this to fall asleep but now she just does it out of habit. M playing with my hair is literally one.of.my.favorite.things.in.the.world. To the end of my days, it is some of my most cherished times with her. I love her little fingers twirling my hair while we have endless discussions about everything.

Her love runs deep for so many.She immediately says prayers when she sees an ambulance or a car accident. Her and her brother may fight but, she is the first one trying to break him out of time out. They hug and kiss all the time (mostly when I am letting them play by themselves). She misses her friends when not in school and says how she hopes they are happy. We have no family that lives near us yet, they are always in her heart and she speaks of them so frequently that it is clear how much they are a part of our lives. And oh my heavens, don’t let that child see something sad on T.V. she will cry for an hour because a horse or a doggy got lost and she is just so sad for them (same for “Lost Dog” posters on light poles).

I always tell my children that they are my sunshine and the air that I breathe. So how do I not spend all my days with her anymore?  I also know that there is a definitive amount of time left. This is year is going to go by so fast. We are welcoming baby #3. We are building our house and moving in. We are going to be caring for a large amount of property. It is my hope that I savor all the time that I get with her during all of this chaos.

Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that so many people have gone before me in this arena and have managed just fine. Whether its moms facing going back to work or sending their kids to school for the first time.I think we have all seen the recent video of the mom taking her little guy to Kindergarten for the first time and then following up the next year. I mean, its funny. And I do secretly hope there is some truth there.

All I know is that whether it is kindergarten, high school or college M is my baby, my first baby. She made me a mama. That girl brings me more love than I could have dreamed of. I am going to try to stay in the moment and be present with this little lady. Love our lunches together, cuddle during quiet time and savor ever twist of my hair through those little precious fingers. 5 years with her at home isn’t enough but then again, would I ever have enough?

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31 weeks

August 15, 2016

I thought I would take a moment to reflect a bit on this pregnancy. Anyone excited? No? Well, since this is what I am assuming is my last pregnancy (unless God has WAY DIFFERENT plans than me) I thought maybe I should jot somethings down to always remember.

I am 31 weeks. Today marks exactly 60 days to go. I am now starting to eek into the “oh man, why do we need clothes at all? They are all so restricting!” and the “Kids, could you grab (insert whatever is laying on the floor) for me?” I didn’t think it happened this early. I know for a fact that it doesn’t happen this early for a lot of women but, me and my short torso, its happening.

In all honesty, I am not a woman who loves being pregnant. I don’t glow unless it’s sweat which happens so easy.  I am pretty much carrying an inferno around and I think we are experiencing the hottest summer ever. Don’t try to debate with me on this. I don’t care what the record books say, it is the hottest summer EVER! I am still getting sick from time to time (all day every day for the first 16 weeks). I cannot sleep in my beloved favorite position, on my belly. That being said, I know just how blessed I am. Blessed that I was given this gift of carrying not one but three babies. Blessed that the humans that I love most (excluding hubs and family) grew inside of me. Blessed that my body was able to adjust to all.the.changes over and over again.

I am also seeing another side to my children and it is beautiful. They way that M & K have already incorporated the new baby into our lives makes me know that this little one is already so loved. M cannot wait to hold the new  babe and begs daily to be the first to do so. She practices taking care of her baby dolls all the time in preparation. K kisses the baby every morning and night. He tickles the baby and sings to the baby. Every Friday is when I move into my next week of pregnancy. Ever since we shared the news with the kiddos it is our tradition on Friday mornings to read the pregnancy updates over  breakfast. They legitimately look forward to it each week. When thinking about my kiddos and their excitement for their new sibling, I really can’t describe it any other way than….beautiful.

Am I scared? Yes, yes I am, why thank you for asking. Some days I feel like my knuckles are white because I am gripping onto something in shear fear and anxiety. Many days life with 2 preschoolers is exhausting and I feel like I am giving all I have to give (this is including: trying to still be a present wife, dealing with my health issues, buying land, building a home, extracurricular activities, moving, cooking meals, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and oh-so-much-more). So I wonder how can I have any more to give? Honestly, I have no clue. I just know I will. When you love your tribe you just keep going. Will I cry some days and think I can’t do it? You betcha. Then, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and pray that I am doing right by these little ones of mine.

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