This post may seem completely dramatic but hey, when it comes to our kids aren’t we all a little over the top sometimes? Last week the children in our school district started their school year. That is when panic ensued. One year left with my first born until she spends more time with her teacher and her classmates then she does with me every Monday – Friday. The real kicker is she has a September 30th birthday so technically she was born on the last day acceptable to start this school year but we decided to wait. So I am already getting an extra year with her.
Year 4 was a sassy one for my M. She pushed boundaries and tested my patience far more than ever before. We had many many talks about sharing, caring, and thinking about others. But, oh my, this girl. She is so much more than just a sassy year. Her heart is pure gold….pure gold I tell you. I often wonder how I, of all people got to be her mama. If I am upset she is kissing my cheeks and hugging my legs. Her empathy far exceeds her 4 years of life. Ever since she was a baby she would play with my hair. Sometimes she would do this to fall asleep but now she just does it out of habit. M playing with my hair is literally one.of.my.favorite.things.in.the.world. To the end of my days, it is some of my most cherished times with her. I love her little fingers twirling my hair while we have endless discussions about everything.
Her love runs deep for so many.She immediately says prayers when she sees an ambulance or a car accident. Her and her brother may fight but, she is the first one trying to break him out of time out. They hug and kiss all the time (mostly when I am letting them play by themselves). She misses her friends when not in school and says how she hopes they are happy. We have no family that lives near us yet, they are always in her heart and she speaks of them so frequently that it is clear how much they are a part of our lives. And oh my heavens, don’t let that child see something sad on T.V. she will cry for an hour because a horse or a doggy got lost and she is just so sad for them (same for “Lost Dog” posters on light poles).
I always tell my children that they are my sunshine and the air that I breathe. So how do I not spend all my days with her anymore? I also know that there is a definitive amount of time left. This is year is going to go by so fast. We are welcoming baby #3. We are building our house and moving in. We are going to be caring for a large amount of property. It is my hope that I savor all the time that I get with her during all of this chaos.
Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that so many people have gone before me in this arena and have managed just fine. Whether its moms facing going back to work or sending their kids to school for the first time.I think we have all seen the recent video of the mom taking her little guy to Kindergarten for the first time and then following up the next year. I mean, its funny. And I do secretly hope there is some truth there.
All I know is that whether it is kindergarten, high school or college M is my baby, my first baby. She made me a mama. That girl brings me more love than I could have dreamed of. I am going to try to stay in the moment and be present with this little lady. Love our lunches together, cuddle during quiet time and savor ever twist of my hair through those little precious fingers. 5 years with her at home isn’t enough but then again, would I ever have enough?